Sociologist. Criminologist. Seeking a cool forum in which to share some of my observations about American society, current events, and life at the edge of a BladeRunningMan-Realized turn in American social relations with a wider audience.
8 Simple Rules for Being a Good (and much less annoying!) Christian
Published on February 18, 2005 By Professor Sue In Humor
Ok, if you MUST be a Christian, it'd be SO much better if you'd do it according to The Christ's model. Effectively, that seems to come down to eight SIMPLE rules:

(1) First, and most obvious: Love one another as I have loved you.
What is so hard about this? Is war love? Is love war? Then WHY do you have a "God loves me" sticker on one side of your bumper and a "War IS the answer" on the other side? Am I missing something??? Yes, yes-- a JUST war is OK. Sure. But then how do YOU know you're on the just side of said war? If God wants to mete out justice he presumably can. I don't suspect he needs your help. I get the impression he mostly wants YOU to worry about YOU, which brings me to my next point...

(2) Next: only those w/o sin should be shooting rocks over at their neighbors...
So why are so many "Christians" out there playing judge and jury on any number of things-- tv shows, films, gay people, single mothers, etc. Shut up and get your own house in order. Jesus will like you more and so will we! If your hubris is SO great as to think you KNOW what's right, well then you might as well be that camel trying to pass through the eye of the needle b/c you just DON'T get it.

(3) Please, don't pray to God about your stupid football team. He doesn't care if your team wins or loses. He **really** doesn't. In fact, he probably doesn't even like football. And, assuming he's all all-knowing and such, don't you think he might have more interesting/important things to think about?

(4) Related to #2: Stop preaching to everyone else. The idea was that you might lead by example. All your holier-than-though preachy crap is doing is alienating people who might be decent Christians. You're driving them away with your tiny, narrow, ignorant model.

(5) Feel free to read MORE THAN just the Bible. It's a good book, but it's not the ONLY book. God created all this life, by your view-- independent, creative life. Enjoy some of the creations...you'd be a lot more interesting.

(6) Related to #3: God doesn't play politics. He didn't put Bush in office and he doesn't Favor America. In fact, there's a very good chance he's not even that keen on the US. Not b/c of the heathens but b/c of all the holier-than-though judgement freaks who are quick to get on a war bandwagon but perfectly wiling to let much of the world starve and suffer.

(7) Related to #5: Quit wasting your time trying to moderate what's on TV or at the movies. If it offends thee, cut your eyes out. Then, you'll be less annoyed in the future-- and you'll leave the rest of us decadents to enjoy all that soul-defiling fun. Assuming you're secure in YOUR faith and are sure you're going to heaven, why worry about us? Did you ever think that maybe we don't want to go to heaven if you're going to be there?? I gotta tell ya, it sounds like a draaag.

(8) Most Importantly: LIVE BY CHRIST'S EXAMPLE...you'd put a much better face on your faith if you did more of this. You REALLY would. For those of you who are out there serving others and giving alms and not running around judging everyone else, THANK YOU. Keep up the good work. I fully respect you, as I do Christ's example. In fact, though I don't go in for the metaphysical dimensions, I do find Christ to be a pretty good model of how to be a decent human. So, before you judge me for being a "heathen" and not being "saved," please be sure that my behavior with regard to treatment of others isn't outshining yours b/c you're the one doing it to try and save a place in "heaven"...

NOTE: If you don't find this funny and can't see the humor latent in some of the contradictions evidenced by religious zealots, then you're a truly humorless, holier-than-though bore and neither Jesus, God, nor the Holy Spirit probably even want you b/c you're likely a tremendous pain in the backside.

Comments
on Feb 18, 2005
That was great! I loved every last word!
on Feb 18, 2005
Stop preaching to everyone else. The idea was that you might lead by example


Uh-oh. But what about this?

Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. (New Testament | Matthew 28:19 - 20)


While I actually think you brought up a lot of good points (and the humor of our own shortcomings - as a Christian myself - is not lost on me), I couldn't help but drop that one. If we are, as you so honestly (and correctly) assert are to follow Chirst's teachings and example, well, we are going to have to keep teaching others in "all nations".
on Feb 18, 2005
NOTE: If you don't find this funny and can't see the humor latent in some of the contradictions evidenced by religious zealots, then you're a truly humorless, holier-than-though bore and neither Jesus, God, nor the Holy Spirit probably even want you b/c you're likely a tremendous pain in the backside.


A writing prof once told me that if you have to tell people what you're writing is humor, then, well, it's not.

-A.
on Feb 18, 2005
read #4, and do likewise.

"A writing prof once told me that if you have to tell people what you're writing is humor, then, well, it's not."


*big nod*
on Feb 18, 2005
(6) Related to #3: God doesn't play politics. He didn't put Bush in office and he doesn't Favor America. In fact, there's a very good chance he's not even that keen on the US. Not b/c of the heathens but b/c of all the holier-than-though judgement freaks who are quick to get on a war bandwagon but perfectly wiling to let much of the world starve and suffer.


Hmmm...obviously God didn't put Bush in office (we voted him in), and as far as favoring America...I don't think it means that He likes "us" the best. I think "favor" means that we have a lot more than most other nations out there...and we do. We have peace, money, not a whole lot of car bombs and militant groups that want to kill everyone that don't believe what they believe, etc...

You made some very interesting points, however. Good article.
on Feb 19, 2005
1) Sometimes war is the answer. It's sad, but it's true.
2) Jesus will love all of us no matter what. Christians shouldn't condemn others or think they're less sinful than others, but that doesn't mean we can't have a problem with the sin of society. If we can't, then nobody else should either, and that means that nobody should have an opinion about anything!
3) Yeah. That's a bit melodramatic.
4) Christians are obliged to preach to the world. If it makes you feel any better, it annoys me when others (i.e. Democrats, gay marriage advocate groups, PETA, pro-choicers, etc.) self-righteously preach to me.
5) Christians read other books, but the Bible is the book.
6) Yup. God doesn't play politics.
7) So, nobody should complain about anything in the media? If that's the case, then a lot of people need to shut up. Not just Christians. Groups that complain about racism, homophobia, bigotry, sexism, etc. in the media.
8) Yes, there are Christians who place themselves on a pedestal, and that's not good.
on Feb 19, 2005
1) Sometimes war is the answer. It's sad, but it's true.
But, Jesus was very CLEARLY about turning the other cheek, and I think he was really onto something there. It is REALLY hard to forgive someone from hurting you, someone you love, your country, etc. Jesus seems to be suggesting, though, that if more people took this high, difficult path, there'd be MUCH less strife. Sounds good to me.

2) Jesus will love all of us no matter what. Christians shouldn't condemn others or think they're less sinful than others, but that doesn't mean we can't have a problem with the sin of society. If we can't, then nobody else should either, and that means that nobody should have an opinion about anything!

I absolutely agree. None of us should condemn the perceived "sins" of "society." Just let folks do their thing. Unless someone directly and evidently hurts another person in some significant way-- murders them, physically harms them, sexually or emotionally abuses them if they are under 18, forces them to have sex at any age-- that person should arguably be left to do what they will.

3) Yeah. That's a bit melodramatic.

4) Christians are obliged to preach to the world. If it makes you feel any better, it annoys me when others (i.e. Democrats, gay marriage advocate groups, PETA, pro-choicers, etc.) self-righteously preach to me.

It annoys me as well-- I think folks should be left to explore and figure things out on their own. None of these groups-- nor preachy Christians or other religious folks-- ever really convince anyone of anything through their yammering on. The only thing that really ever convinces a stable individual, it seems, is an emotive connection to a topic whereby a feeling bonds to an issue/opinion.

5) Christians read other books, but the Bible is the book.

How do you KNOW that, though? How do you know, for instance, that it wasn't inspired/written by, say, Satan. Wouldn't that have been a huge bit of fun for him?

6) Yup. God doesn't play politics.

7) So, nobody should complain about anything in the media? If that's the case, then a lot of people need to shut up. Not just Christians. Groups that complain about racism, homophobia, bigotry, sexism, etc. in the media.

Again, we agree here. The whole idea of free speech is that you can put whatever out there. Just put it right out there. I don't think it should be censored or what-not, not even by age. Let folks see what people do and think and COME TO THEIR OWN CONCLUSIONS. My problem w/any group that wants to CENSOR programming is that it's just so misguided...where would it end. So Sponge Bob lives with a male-like starfish-- so what? Bert lived w/Ernie and I turned out fine watching them on Sasame St. Give me access to all the stupid, decadent, oddball programming that Hollywood, Baliwood, and anyone else can put together and throw my way. If I don't like it, I'll turn it off. Most of it's crap anyway. BUT, every now and then something cool comes along. Why should some preacher who I think is nuts anyway have any say over whether or not I get to see what might be a good bit. I happen, for instance, to like that little sponge. And Dexter with his little laboratory and his special little friend. If people spent half as much time making sure their kids were learning to read and write as the did moderating what cartoons their kids are watching, the kids I get in college might be able to put a sentence together!!

8) Yes, there are Christians who place themselves on a pedestal, and that's not good

Seriously, thanks for commenting-- I appreciate the dialogue, which is partly why I put this thing up there. We all need to vent. Blogs are a good place to do it. And words are ALWAYS better than fists-- the pen is mightier than the sword b/c it is really hard to do rhetoric well. But even good rhetoric is rarely convincing...

I enjoyed all the other comments as well-- I had to say, "touchee" a couple of times, but I'm glad folks post. It also leads me back to others' blogs, some of which I've really enjoyed-- like that of the first person who mentioned the "it ain't funny if you gotta say it's funny" comment. A understand, btw, that Jesus does mention at some point that people should go out to all nations and spread my word but I gotta tell you that, as someone who is pretty uncommitted on the whole Christiandom thing, the only times I come close to "believing" is when I'm moved by the things I see a Christian DOING-- how they are living. For instance, I don't know if Bono is a Christian or not, but, if he is, I have A HUGE TON of respect for him. Nothing drives me away faster than hearing someone going on about how I should be living and how this or that group is repulsive and offends God. The key point I ever got from Christ's teachings was that we should follow the golden rule, lead by example, and turn the other cheek. This are some of the most challenging things one can do, and, if more folks lived by these ideas, we'd be living in a MUCH happier world.
on Feb 19, 2005
But, Jesus was very CLEARLY about turning the other cheek, and I think he was really onto something there. It is REALLY hard to forgive someone from hurting you, someone you love, your country, etc. Jesus seems to be suggesting, though, that if more people took this high, difficult path, there'd be MUCH less strife. Sounds good to me.


It would be great if everybody turned the other cheek, but not everybody does. If anything, if Christians chose not to wage war with their enemies, Hitler would have won World War 2.

I absolutely agree. None of us should condemn the perceived "sins" of "society." Just let folks do their thing. Unless someone directly and evidently hurts another person in some significant way-- murders them, physically harms them, sexually or emotionally abuses them if they are under 18, forces them to have sex at any age-- that person should arguably be left to do what they will.


Life isn't that clear cut. For example, in some states, it's legal to have sex with girls under 18. In France, 15 is the age of consent. Many people, even non-Christians, would not support the repealing of indecency laws that forbid people from walking around nude.

How do you KNOW that, though? How do you know, for instance, that it wasn't inspired/written by, say, Satan. Wouldn't that have been a huge bit of fun for him?


So, if the Bible was written by Satan, then the Bible would be invalid, in which case, Christians are wrong, but then again, is it so bad, since the Bible is wrong?
It's like with history. There's a chance that much of history was fabricated by the government, and George Washington never existed, but even that possibility doesn't mean historians should quit their jobs.

My problem w/any group that wants to CENSOR programming is that it's just so misguided...where would it end. So Sponge Bob lives with a male-like starfish-- so what? Bert lived w/Ernie and I turned out fine watching them on Sasame St. Give me access to all the stupid, decadent, oddball programming that Hollywood, Baliwood, and anyone else can put together and throw my way. If I don't like it, I'll turn it off. Most of it's crap anyway. BUT, every now and then something cool comes along. Why should some preacher who I think is nuts anyway have any say over whether or not I get to see what might be a good bit. I happen, for instance, to like that little sponge. And Dexter with his little laboratory and his special little friend. If people spent half as much time making sure their kids were learning to read and write as the did moderating what cartoons their kids are watching, the kids I get in college might be able to put a sentence together!!


Censorship's everywhere, and I think it's necessary. Otherwise, we wouldn't have any right to complain about hardcore pornography on network television.
By the way, didn't you tell others to stop preaching too? Couldn't you simply not listen to them?
on Feb 21, 2005
For instance, I don't know if Bono is a Christian or not, but, if he is, I have A HUGE TON of respect for him. Nothing drives me away faster than hearing someone going on about how I should be living and how this or that group is repulsive and offends God.


He is very much so--a lot of U2 songs have religious meanings to them.